She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
