Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
