He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
