Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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