I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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