Non-Jews are for practice
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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