2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
