Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
