Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize