Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Found the puke drawer
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
