Where did you get a picture of my penis
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize