don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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