So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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