I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
