I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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