My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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