We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
