the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
