i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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