Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
