five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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