god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize