I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
