now i know why i became what i already was.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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