what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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