She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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