we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
