i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
