Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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