We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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