her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
