I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my shit smells like andre
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
