I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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