whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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