On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
be right there i have to get my cape
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
