There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
