TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your penis caused this!
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