he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
