Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
