dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He did a backflip because drugs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
