I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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