bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
