I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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