If that was your dad, he is hot
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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