I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
