new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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