My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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