She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
