I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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