You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
