Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well most of my day revolves around power hour
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't deserve a penis
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
