Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
