I'm going to jail i love you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
