the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
