Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
