I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
