Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
