I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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