i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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