It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
