white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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