Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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