If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
