My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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