my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
