I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
