he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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